100 and 1 different ways to confuse parents

The only right way to parent is ... fill in the blank. How many of us have read books that tell us "This is the way, go ye in it" ? "This particular truth, or anyone that is popular on the bookshelf, is what you need to get your kids in line and have a happy family."

People quote Bible verses to prove their points. Spare the rod, spoil the child or just love the child, speak to the child's heart. Sometimes the parenting methods are quite polar but I wonder.. If we go back to the source of these ideas, the Word of God what would He tell us?

I recently received an email telling me of the error parents have been known to make by following "this particular form of parenting". It inspired me to prayer. Dear Lord, what does Your Word tell us?

Once again I love God's Word. Jesus shows us the way. Jesus sums it all up in

"Love the Lord you God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and your neighbor as yourself".   Luke 10:27

I like that because it's simple and to the point. As we parent we are to love the Lord. He is to be the center. It's not one parenting style over another. It's not child centered vs. parent centered - it's God centered.

As we have God as the center then everything comes into place. When we as parents are God centered then we are not relying on ourselves to be super parents, instead we realize that we all are a work in progress.

With God as the center when we approach our parenting or other family relationships we will recognize that it's not about us. It's not about behaviors or who is right or wrong but about God and what He calls us to, because He's the one at the center. Imagine if our families lived with God's heart at its center? What kind of family would that be?  

It would have to start with mom and dad and their walk with God. Is He the center of our thinking? Are God's plans our plans or do we have our own, separate from God.. Praying He will bless our endeavors?

When our child is in need of discipline what is the intent of our actions? 

Control or discipleship?

With God at the center, our hope is to lead that child to God.

Our goal isn't merely obedience but rather a heart for God - because as God is the center of our family we have love, direction and purpose.  

We can't mandate a person’s heart, that is a person’s personal choice. We can demand obedience to external behaviors but what goes on in the heart of the child, or any family member, they will decide.

How does God parent us? We know He loves us and we know He disciplines us, but as He does love and discipline us, He respects our personal choices. He allows us the freedom to choose this day whom we will serve.

Our hope as parents is to guide the children to serving the Lord - not us.

He tells us the standard, He tells us what is right. He also tells us through His Word what will happen if we choose to disobey. He's not angry, He's in charge.

Daily He walks with us, in love, telling us which way to go. Daily we choose if we will obey Him or ignore Him and do things our own way. Daily we live with the consequences we have earned.

As parents, we walk beside our child, in love, telling them which way to go. Daily they will earn the consequences of their actions.

It's the heart of the parent, like that of God, which is impacting the child. We have trust in God, we know He loves us and will be there for us. God has shown Himself to be faithful time and time again. He is love ..

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

As parents we don't need to be the center, things don't need to go our way. It's not about us. God is the center, things go His way.

We have a little book about Eustace and Prunella, bad little mice that are selfish and disobedient.  At dinner the father is angry at their behavior and sends them to their room. They needed discipline. At that point the parent mice were right that the mice desperately needed discipline, but the parents did not show God as the center of their priorities, they showed the behavior as the center. The children were misbehaving, acting badly. But what was really happening is that the children were putting themselves before God and His desires. As a God centered home they would have been shown that they are wrong and sinning against God by being selfish as they were disrupting the dinner. They were in need of repentance.

At that point the little mice could have chosen to do right or continue to do wrong enduring the consequences but with the realization that they were not going against dad but instead God.

 Because God's thoughts and God's design are at the center of what we do.

As God parents us He's not mad, he's not aggravated He's in control. He loves us. He knows the right from the wrong.  He directs us onto paths of righteousness. We too can parent like God, not mad, not aggravated but in control knowing what it right and what is wrong, walking in love. Knowing what the consequences of our child's choices are. The consequences which will result from the condition of their hearts. As we disciple them along the way we can teach them that the choices they are making are telling about them about the condition of their heart.

In order to direct our children on the path of righteousness we too need to be walking on that path. In order to point our children to God we ourselves need to point our lives in the direction of God. We need to be sensitive to the Lord's discipline, repenting of our own selfishness and pride.

If we are not doing that then we will lose credibility when we speak to our children about living for God.

Then our children will just disregard our parenting because it will have no authority.

We don't want the latest, greatest type of parenting style. We want God centered parenting. As we love God and follow Him we will reflect Him in our parenting. To measure your heart towards your parenting or any family relationship compare it to what Jesus shows us .. love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. As we keep those virtues ahead of us as the Lord has directed then we will follow Him and He will lead us down the best path. 

And on a side note in case you needed some ideas for creative consequences "to help the child learn" here is one to get you started.