Where Are The Boundries?

 

What do you see in this picture? I see lots of love, two little children between a devoted mom and dad. The mom and dad are tenderly holding their childrens hands, I would imagine that this is a happy day.  As a family they are looking out at the ocean. That was one moment in time. Captured by a camera. 

If we were to ask the mom and dad about the day their children were born they would probably tell you that it was an exceptional day. One they had been waiting for and dreaming about all their lives. Since this is just our imagination, I will decide the day of the childrens birth, and that it was full of joy and thanksgiving. 

Each child is an addition to a family. 

The family started with the mom and dad when they got married. 

The parents joyfully accepted and included this new person into their family. 

But that devoted mom and dad in the picture came from two other people. 

(four actaully but I don't want to get to confusing)

Two people who had their joyful day of celebrating the birth of their child into their lives many years ago.

These parents of the mom and dad in the picture had dreamed about the birth of their child all their life and finally, with great hopes and dreams they were blessed with the child that they added to their married selves. 

That child grew up and got married and is now represented in the picture as the devoted parent.

Each couple has dreams and hopes. We put our selves aside and love our spouses and our children. We devote our lives to our family. 

It's part of our identity, it's part of who we are. 

The parent's that hold that dear baby in their arms have committed their hearts to him or her. They have opened themselves up to a lifelong relationship.

Where does family begin and where does it end? 

In our culture today we get a lot of mixed signals. The freedom of expression we enjoy lacks the boundaries and traditions that kept us in familiar territory. It was there within those boundaries that everyone knew what was expected and how to do it. Now it seems each person has to make up their own set of rules and boundaries. 

The question of what is right and what is wrong gets skewed from situation to situation because it becomes "you do what is right for you and I will do what is right for me" 

Seems like that should be a simple solution. Sounds perfectly reasonable.

But it's not, within that process there comes difficulty.  

It's in that confusion that family trouble starts. How many of us have had heartbreak with our family? 

That devoted mom and dad in the picture, which had separated themselves from their parents -

(The parents that had bore them and joined them to their new 

family many years ago)

 are now trying to figure out what is right for them and their family. 

In the years to come that devoted mom and dad in the picture will be figuring out how to adjust their hearts to the new position of their children becoming adults and creating their own family circle. Separate from them. 

  How do we know where to draw the line? How do we know how to live and adjust ourselves to all the changes?

How are we a mother, daughter, wife, daughter in law and a sister with out hurting others as we try to live our lives and still do what is right?

That is the question I have been wrestling with. I have been on all sides of that question. I have been the daughter, the wife, the daughter in law, the sister and mother in law. I have stumbled my way through. I read articles in magazines, I have read a ton of books on family, I love to read blogs and I have listened to folks talk about their experiences. 

Most importantly I pray. I ask the God of the universe to show me what is right. And not surprisingly He knows the right way. 

Our Great God - so wise and loving has an answer for me. I will give it to you. 

In all relationships

this applies:

Romans 12   

(here is all of Romans 12)

A short portion of Romans 12

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Imagine if we approach every family relationship with that in mind. Our families would be a safe harbor for ourselves and those the Lord brings into our lives. The lines of right and wrong are drawn out and we know what is expected of us.

It's accomplished as we relinquish our rights and submit to the Lord. As long as we are contending for ourselves and what we should be getting we will live in confusion. As soon as we submit to the Word of God given to us through Paul then we will have that kind of victory in our lives.

It's simple. Not easy. 

I am glad the Lord has shown me that. I have a lot of work to do. It will be by His Grace and His Holy Spirit if I am able to accomplish it. But like it says I will rejoice in hope. In the hope that I will be able to love as the Lord calls me to. 

It's a pleasant moment ... your child is across the room, you catch his eye, you squat, lovingly call his name, you open your arms to your child inviting him to a big hug ... how does he respond?

You've just gotten a snapshot of the heart of your child towards you.

The Bible gives us the perfect picture of a loving Shepherd and the sheep that trust Him. John 10


Truly, I tell all of you with certainty, the person who does not enter the sheepfold through the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a bandit. The one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. It is to him the gatekeeper opens the gate, and it is his voice the sheep hear. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has driven out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they recognize his voice. They will never follow a stranger, but will run away from him because they do not recognize the voice of strangers,
I am the good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep... I am the good shepherd, I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep.

Parents are like the shepherd our children are like the sheep.
We want our children to love and trust us like the sheep trust the shepherd.
The gatekeeper opens the gate only to the trusted shepherd.
In a way our children's spirit is like the gatekeeper, they will only open their hearts or the gate to the trusted shepherd. They open their hearts to us when it is safe for them to do so.
Each child is different but the Word of God gives us a good basis for knowing how to reach a child's heart. It's by the fruit of His Holy Spirit that we are able to speak so the child will listen.
Watch and listen to your interactions with your child. Are your words and actions full of

love,         joy,       peace,    patience,

kindness,       goodness,

faithfulness,          gentleness    and   self control

The Shepherd is our shepherd that leads us too, you and I. He is so kind to us. It's the Shepherd's voice that we want to listen for. We can know if it's the Shepherd calling us by what we hear Him saying. Words like:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13

When we hear a voice calling to us, be it from our own minds or books we read or advice from others measure it against those words from God and you will be able to discern the bad shepherd from the Good Shepherd. 

As a parent speaks the Words that the Shepherd speaks that's when our children will open themselves up and trust our voice and follow us. Then as a parent we will be a good shepherd, we will lay down our lives for our sheep and they will follow us.

Leave and Cleave

I am wondering what it means to leave and cleave. I have been on both sides of the experience now. I was once a young bride leaving and cleaving to my husband and now a mother of married daughters.

Interesting situation. I did a little studying on it. I went on line, Googled “leave and cleave” and I got quite a few sites that were trying to tell me what it was.

I went to the original Bible verse in Hebrew, looked up all the words through the Strong’s concordance and the American Standard Version was true to the Hebrew.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

I did further study about the words leave and cleave.

Leave means:  In the Hebrew is the word azab which means to commit self - also leave, forsake, loose.

In that passage the man is directed to leave, forsake, loose his father and his mother.

Cleave means: In Hebrew is dabaq which means to cleave - To cling, cleave, keep close.

The man is to cling, cleave and keep close to his wife.

God is so good that when He gives us instruction He also gives many explanations and pictures of what it looks like. There are several marriages in the Bible; the healthy ones seem to have the husband in the role of the leader and the wife as the helpmate. They are a picture of leaving and cleaving. The husband has drawn his wife to him and loves and protects her.

I love the Bible because in it the Lord gives us the words to life. He has made a map for us to follow. His Words are a light for our feet.

In the New Testament the LORD talks to us through Paul when He explains about how we are to live our lives. We have been given a structure in Genesis – a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh – and then we are given how we are to live it out in real life. By the power of the Holy Spirit we are to approach each situation with love as the end result.

As a young man, God directs him to leave and cleave and we learn that he is to do that with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. As the head of a new family he is to lead, step out, and direct those in his new family in a manner reflecting what the Lord has called him too, love.

It's a big role for the young man and hopefully those parents he's leaving will be his biggest cheerleaders pointing him to Godliness and righteousness, praying for him daily. Supporting him in his new role and responsibility.

In summary, the command to leave and cleave is given to the husband. He is to leave his family and cling to his wife. By the power of the Holy Spirit he is to lead his family in Godliness which is love.