What do you see in this picture? I see lots of love, two little children between a devoted mom and dad. The mom and dad are tenderly holding their childrens hands, I would imagine that this is a happy day. As a family they are looking out at the ocean. That was one moment in time. Captured by a camera.
If we were to ask the mom and dad about the day their children were born they would probably tell you that it was an exceptional day. One they had been waiting for and dreaming about all their lives. Since this is just our imagination, I will decide the day of the childrens birth, and that it was full of joy and thanksgiving.
Each child is an addition to a family.
The family started with the mom and dad when they got married.
The parents joyfully accepted and included this new person into their family.
But that devoted mom and dad in the picture came from two other people.
(four actaully but I don't want to get to confusing)
Two people who had their joyful day of celebrating the birth of their child into their lives many years ago.
These parents of the mom and dad in the picture had dreamed about the birth of their child all their life and finally, with great hopes and dreams they were blessed with the child that they added to their married selves.
That child grew up and got married and is now represented in the picture as the devoted parent.
Each couple has dreams and hopes. We put our selves aside and love our spouses and our children. We devote our lives to our family.
It's part of our identity, it's part of who we are.
The parent's that hold that dear baby in their arms have committed their hearts to him or her. They have opened themselves up to a lifelong relationship.
Where does family begin and where does it end?
In our culture today we get a lot of mixed signals. The freedom of expression we enjoy lacks the boundaries and traditions that kept us in familiar territory. It was there within those boundaries that everyone knew what was expected and how to do it. Now it seems each person has to make up their own set of rules and boundaries.
The question of what is right and what is wrong gets skewed from situation to situation because it becomes "you do what is right for you and I will do what is right for me"
Seems like that should be a simple solution. Sounds perfectly reasonable.
But it's not, within that process there comes difficulty.
It's in that confusion that family trouble starts. How many of us have had heartbreak with our family?
That devoted mom and dad in the picture, which had separated themselves from their parents -
(The parents that had bore them and joined them to their new
family many years ago)
are now trying to figure out what is right for them and their family.
In the years to come that devoted mom and dad in the picture will be figuring out how to adjust their hearts to the new position of their children becoming adults and creating their own family circle. Separate from them.
How do we know where to draw the line? How do we know how to live and adjust ourselves to all the changes?
How are we a mother, daughter, wife, daughter in law and a sister with out hurting others as we try to live our lives and still do what is right?
That is the question I have been wrestling with. I have been on all sides of that question. I have been the daughter, the wife, the daughter in law, the sister and mother in law. I have stumbled my way through. I read articles in magazines, I have read a ton of books on family, I love to read blogs and I have listened to folks talk about their experiences.
Most importantly I pray. I ask the God of the universe to show me what is right. And not surprisingly He knows the right way.
Our Great God - so wise and loving has an answer for me. I will give it to you.
In all relationships
this applies:
(here is all of Romans 12)
A short portion of Romans 12
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Imagine if we approach every family relationship with that in mind. Our families would be a safe harbor for ourselves and those the Lord brings into our lives. The lines of right and wrong are drawn out and we know what is expected of us.
It's accomplished as we relinquish our rights and submit to the Lord. As long as we are contending for ourselves and what we should be getting we will live in confusion. As soon as we submit to the Word of God given to us through Paul then we will have that kind of victory in our lives.
It's simple. Not easy.
I am glad the Lord has shown me that. I have a lot of work to do. It will be by His Grace and His Holy Spirit if I am able to accomplish it. But like it says I will rejoice in hope. In the hope that I will be able to love as the Lord calls me to.
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