Where Are The Boundries?

 

What do you see in this picture? I see lots of love, two little children between a devoted mom and dad. The mom and dad are tenderly holding their childrens hands, I would imagine that this is a happy day.  As a family they are looking out at the ocean. That was one moment in time. Captured by a camera. 

If we were to ask the mom and dad about the day their children were born they would probably tell you that it was an exceptional day. One they had been waiting for and dreaming about all their lives. Since this is just our imagination, I will decide the day of the childrens birth, and that it was full of joy and thanksgiving. 

Each child is an addition to a family. 

The family started with the mom and dad when they got married. 

The parents joyfully accepted and included this new person into their family. 

But that devoted mom and dad in the picture came from two other people. 

(four actaully but I don't want to get to confusing)

Two people who had their joyful day of celebrating the birth of their child into their lives many years ago.

These parents of the mom and dad in the picture had dreamed about the birth of their child all their life and finally, with great hopes and dreams they were blessed with the child that they added to their married selves. 

That child grew up and got married and is now represented in the picture as the devoted parent.

Each couple has dreams and hopes. We put our selves aside and love our spouses and our children. We devote our lives to our family. 

It's part of our identity, it's part of who we are. 

The parent's that hold that dear baby in their arms have committed their hearts to him or her. They have opened themselves up to a lifelong relationship.

Where does family begin and where does it end? 

In our culture today we get a lot of mixed signals. The freedom of expression we enjoy lacks the boundaries and traditions that kept us in familiar territory. It was there within those boundaries that everyone knew what was expected and how to do it. Now it seems each person has to make up their own set of rules and boundaries. 

The question of what is right and what is wrong gets skewed from situation to situation because it becomes "you do what is right for you and I will do what is right for me" 

Seems like that should be a simple solution. Sounds perfectly reasonable.

But it's not, within that process there comes difficulty.  

It's in that confusion that family trouble starts. How many of us have had heartbreak with our family? 

That devoted mom and dad in the picture, which had separated themselves from their parents -

(The parents that had bore them and joined them to their new 

family many years ago)

 are now trying to figure out what is right for them and their family. 

In the years to come that devoted mom and dad in the picture will be figuring out how to adjust their hearts to the new position of their children becoming adults and creating their own family circle. Separate from them. 

  How do we know where to draw the line? How do we know how to live and adjust ourselves to all the changes?

How are we a mother, daughter, wife, daughter in law and a sister with out hurting others as we try to live our lives and still do what is right?

That is the question I have been wrestling with. I have been on all sides of that question. I have been the daughter, the wife, the daughter in law, the sister and mother in law. I have stumbled my way through. I read articles in magazines, I have read a ton of books on family, I love to read blogs and I have listened to folks talk about their experiences. 

Most importantly I pray. I ask the God of the universe to show me what is right. And not surprisingly He knows the right way. 

Our Great God - so wise and loving has an answer for me. I will give it to you. 

In all relationships

this applies:

Romans 12   

(here is all of Romans 12)

A short portion of Romans 12

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Imagine if we approach every family relationship with that in mind. Our families would be a safe harbor for ourselves and those the Lord brings into our lives. The lines of right and wrong are drawn out and we know what is expected of us.

It's accomplished as we relinquish our rights and submit to the Lord. As long as we are contending for ourselves and what we should be getting we will live in confusion. As soon as we submit to the Word of God given to us through Paul then we will have that kind of victory in our lives.

It's simple. Not easy. 

I am glad the Lord has shown me that. I have a lot of work to do. It will be by His Grace and His Holy Spirit if I am able to accomplish it. But like it says I will rejoice in hope. In the hope that I will be able to love as the Lord calls me to. 

It's a pleasant moment ... your child is across the room, you catch his eye, you squat, lovingly call his name, you open your arms to your child inviting him to a big hug ... how does he respond?

You've just gotten a snapshot of the heart of your child towards you.

The Bible gives us the perfect picture of a loving Shepherd and the sheep that trust Him. John 10


Truly, I tell all of you with certainty, the person who does not enter the sheepfold through the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a bandit. The one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. It is to him the gatekeeper opens the gate, and it is his voice the sheep hear. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has driven out all his own, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him because they recognize his voice. They will never follow a stranger, but will run away from him because they do not recognize the voice of strangers,
I am the good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep... I am the good shepherd, I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father. And I lay down my life for the sheep.

Parents are like the shepherd our children are like the sheep.
We want our children to love and trust us like the sheep trust the shepherd.
The gatekeeper opens the gate only to the trusted shepherd.
In a way our children's spirit is like the gatekeeper, they will only open their hearts or the gate to the trusted shepherd. They open their hearts to us when it is safe for them to do so.
Each child is different but the Word of God gives us a good basis for knowing how to reach a child's heart. It's by the fruit of His Holy Spirit that we are able to speak so the child will listen.
Watch and listen to your interactions with your child. Are your words and actions full of

love,         joy,       peace,    patience,

kindness,       goodness,

faithfulness,          gentleness    and   self control

The Shepherd is our shepherd that leads us too, you and I. He is so kind to us. It's the Shepherd's voice that we want to listen for. We can know if it's the Shepherd calling us by what we hear Him saying. Words like:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13

When we hear a voice calling to us, be it from our own minds or books we read or advice from others measure it against those words from God and you will be able to discern the bad shepherd from the Good Shepherd. 

As a parent speaks the Words that the Shepherd speaks that's when our children will open themselves up and trust our voice and follow us. Then as a parent we will be a good shepherd, we will lay down our lives for our sheep and they will follow us.

Leave and Cleave

I am wondering what it means to leave and cleave. I have been on both sides of the experience now. I was once a young bride leaving and cleaving to my husband and now a mother of married daughters.

Interesting situation. I did a little studying on it. I went on line, Googled “leave and cleave” and I got quite a few sites that were trying to tell me what it was.

I went to the original Bible verse in Hebrew, looked up all the words through the Strong’s concordance and the American Standard Version was true to the Hebrew.

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

I did further study about the words leave and cleave.

Leave means:  In the Hebrew is the word azab which means to commit self - also leave, forsake, loose.

In that passage the man is directed to leave, forsake, loose his father and his mother.

Cleave means: In Hebrew is dabaq which means to cleave - To cling, cleave, keep close.

The man is to cling, cleave and keep close to his wife.

God is so good that when He gives us instruction He also gives many explanations and pictures of what it looks like. There are several marriages in the Bible; the healthy ones seem to have the husband in the role of the leader and the wife as the helpmate. They are a picture of leaving and cleaving. The husband has drawn his wife to him and loves and protects her.

I love the Bible because in it the Lord gives us the words to life. He has made a map for us to follow. His Words are a light for our feet.

In the New Testament the LORD talks to us through Paul when He explains about how we are to live our lives. We have been given a structure in Genesis – a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh – and then we are given how we are to live it out in real life. By the power of the Holy Spirit we are to approach each situation with love as the end result.

As a young man, God directs him to leave and cleave and we learn that he is to do that with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. As the head of a new family he is to lead, step out, and direct those in his new family in a manner reflecting what the Lord has called him too, love.

It's a big role for the young man and hopefully those parents he's leaving will be his biggest cheerleaders pointing him to Godliness and righteousness, praying for him daily. Supporting him in his new role and responsibility.

In summary, the command to leave and cleave is given to the husband. He is to leave his family and cling to his wife. By the power of the Holy Spirit he is to lead his family in Godliness which is love.

A House in Order

I have been blessed to hear many amazing conference speakers at the North Carolina Home School conferences. Funny thing is, many of them are not talking about practical homeschooling methods but rather family discipleship. We have been learning about the power of God's Word and when we look at it from a family discipleship perspective His Word is RICH with wisdom and practical life skills. So, it is definitely "homeschooling" The messages I have received have been life changing. I only wish I had know this 30 years ago but I have peace in that the God of grace is so good that as he heals the blind, saves the wretched He covers us with His love and provision.

Here is a speaker we have heard and admired. His name is Voddie Baucham, he is a straight shooter that calls out to families all across the world to be strengthened by God's worldview rather then the politically correct, popular ideas of our current culture.

An unspeakable subject

I get wonderful home training lessons from Bible Study Fellowship and this weeks is reflecting the Woman at the Well. We read about a woman, born several years before Jesus probably around the year ... 10 or 20 BC; a real live woman who woke up every morning just like us. She was a woman who made all the wrong choices. She was brought up in a pagan society not having the truth, she did not have the basic wisdom available to us. Or maybe she just had a bad streak. Maybe she was oppositional and with her own stubborn self she did what she wanted and didn't care about the consequences. Who knows? But we do know she was now set apart from society. The others in her culture felt great disdain for her and as a result of being separated from the other women she chose to draw her water in the heat of the day.

Her life changed when she met Jesus. Even though Jesus was quite aware of her sin, He loved her. Because He did not let her sinful behavior restrict His love, He was able to help her.

In the same way the Lord Jesus loves us in spite of our sinful ways. We parents need to express the same unconditional love to our children so that we will be able to help them in their sinful nature. Loving our children because they are a precious creation of God rather then on their personal merits. 

Here is the unspeakable subject .. the unloving parent.
"Because individual human lives and human reactions can be so varied, it would be wrong to assume that every parent automatically has a deep love for his child. Perhaps for some reason you feel disappointment in a child in your family. This disappointment may be open and evident or you may think it is secretly hidden away. Rarely does this type of feeling remain a complete secret for long. Many adults have expressed these thoughts: I never knew why, and it was never just one incident of proof, but I always knew my parents were not totally accepting and proud of me. For as long as I can remember, it was evident that just did not like me.

There is benefit in evaluating any parental hesitancy toward loving a son or daughter. When recognized and given in honest confession to the Heavenly Father, inadequate love can be overcome and a change of heart can begin. The following are some questions that may help to expose resentment and a lack of love for a child.

1. Are you disappointed because your child is so plain or has a physical defect?

2. Have you rejected him, at times, because of what you consider to be his lack of appeal and charm or because he displays a character trait similar to some family member you do not admire? Or because he reflects a undesirable trait in yourself?

3. Do you think your child is not smart or is a slow learner?

4. Are you embarrassed by your child's hyperactivity or extreme shyness?

5. Was this child born out of wedlock, causing embarrassment to you and your family?

6. Do you resent the extra financial burdens this child causes the family?

7. Are you jealous because this child is more attracted to your spouses parents then to yours?

8. Do you love your child only when her or she obeys you or takes your advice?

Once exposed with honest thought and evaluation, these wrong attitudes can be rightly seen as the parent's problem rather then the child's. If this could be your situation, prayerfully confess your sin. Ask God to place in your heart His limitless love your your child. Then begin today to express in word, actions and attitudes of unconditional love for you child. Your obedience will be rewarded. Change can bring a new atmosphere to your home just as it did in the town where Jesus met the woman at the well. It may surprise you to sense the development of love that was previously missing. God will answer your prayer.

John 4:3-43

discipleship simplified

Philippians 4

 ¹Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!...

 ⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

As parents we teach this to our children. It's one of the rules of Holy living that the Lord has given us that we pass on to our children - I liked the catch at the end ... 

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.

 

That certainly puts it all into perspective. 

A principle that I wish I understood about 30 years ago was that the Lord our God is the Creator, not me.

Before I had Kimberly I had worked at a facility called the Children's Center in Salt Lake City. I loved it there. I loved it because they showed and expressed value to little children. In the culture I grew up, children were on a as needed or as wanted basis. The adults had their lives and when children came along we were to fit in best we could. I'm sure that has it's advantages like children learning they are not the center of the universe (I never told my kids the truth about that one). They probably learned to be independent and separate from their parents.
On the other hand, you don't develop much personal value when you are just a cog in the wheel, a bit of entertainment or one more thing to be taken care of. You are independent but at what cost? Here is my point. The Creator of the universe shows us a different way.

When we are loved by God, he knows us. He knows every hair on our head. We are not just a cog in the wheel or a thing to be taken care of and as a result
 we recieve the love that nurtures us to our maturity.
 God has a way of loving us that inspires us to completion. When I read the Isaiah 49:16, I know I am loved.
 See, I have engraved thee on the palm of My hand 

 As parents we would do what ever we need to do for our children. We would give our lives for our children, it's been shown over and over. But the question is - do you have the heart of your child? Our God in heaven took the time to make sure His children knew He loved them. He did it in many different ways. One way, as in our example, He engraved us on the palm of His hand, then showed it to us and made sure we knew it. I guess you could say He was using an object lesson. In some circles that might be considered a little over the top parenting. He gives us the example of abundant love. In His actions He is speaking to a type of soul that hears the devotion. With overt love it's easy to see that why the Lord God Almighty has the heart of His children - because we love Him so much.

I guess the way a child knows you love them is by the time you give them. If you have time for them, that speaks volumes. When God teaches us He takes a willing heart and speaks to it. God always has time for us.
Susannah Wesley was an interesting mother. She birthed19 children, I think 10 lived but she was a devoted mom and she deliberately took time with each child.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=feH&ei=fjzaSvibFsTh8AbixtS3BQ&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&ved=0CA4QBSgA&q=Susannah+wesley&spell=1

 I wish I had known years ago what I know now. And I also wish I would do a better job now then I actually do but everyday I will pray and ask the Lord to take my meager offerings and make them multiply. And every day I trust that He will do just that. I don't live afraid of Him, I live in joy of His presence, continuing to go back to Him because He is the way to life and it's a good life. The Lord gives us a great example on how to love our kids.